11 Things Your Server Wishes You Knew

I know that there are a million posts like this one out there, but instead shying away from writing this, I have decided to join the ranks of my brothers and sisters in the service industry and attempt to enlighten those who have not had to be part of this lifestyle.

My very first job was working at an ice cream shop as a server when I was fourteen. I have worked for 10 years in the service industry, and yet I am still shocked by people’s audacity and ignorance. Maybe it is because I have worked in this industry for so long, I take for granted the fact that there are some people out there that legitimately do  not realize how the service industry actually works.  This is all based on my personal experience, and there are exceptions to every situation. However, I have found these things to be true. So boys and girls, here is my mini lesson.

1. We can’t read your mind and you don’t like everything.

• You are more than welcome to ask your bartender or server for a suggestion, or what they like on the menu. However, saying things like, “I like everything,” “Just give me the best thing on the menu,” or “Just surprise me!” isn’t helpful. We cannot read your mind. We don’t know you. And no matter what you say, you do not like everything. For example, where I work, we have 150 beer options. I get it, it is a lot. And it can be overwhelming to new customers. However, I can’t just surprise you with a beer. I love IPAs, you might hate them and not even know it yet. At the very least, if you really, really, really can’t make a choice, give your server some sort of guidance like, “I enjoy fruity drinks,” “I’m in the mood for a wrap or a sandwich,” or “I hate dark beers.” And when you get your surprise menu item – don’t complain. You couldn’t decide, and we did our best.

2.  Free or discounted food or drinks does not mean you can tip less

• I truly thought this was universally understood until recently. The rule stands that if you get free or discounted food or beverage, you still tip on the original bill before your discount. That means if you go out and grab a 1/2 price pizza with your Groupon, and the total on your bill is $20, you tip as if your bill was $40. Same goes if you get a family discount and your kids get to eat for free. Just because you spent less, doesn’t mean that your server did any less work. Just try and be aware of your bill’s totals and discounts so your server isn’t getting shafted because you got a cheap meal.

3. For the love of all that is good in the world, keep your kids under control.

• I know that you believe your kids are the cutest things in the entire world, and you are super proud that Little Sally is working on eating all by herself. However, kids are loud and they are messy. Bottom line. Even the cutest children in the world can be a nightmare to a server if they aren’t being properly supervised. This means: not letting them get up and run around, throwing food, screaming and crying, or disturbing other guests in any way for that matter, leaving them unattended at the table, or leaving the table and the surrounding area a disaster. We are more than happy to hand your little one some crayons and paper to color with, and I am usually happy to interact with kids, however, we are not babysitters or house cleaners. Watch your kids and make them behave themselves.

4. We do not set the prices and we do not prepare your food.

• Complaining or arguing about the 50 cents for extra ranch or that it costs more for your drink on the rocks is annoying and, in the end, futile. I agree that our shots are expensive. However, when the owners set the prices, they did not consult me or any of their service staff. And what’s worse, we have to pay the same amount that you pay. You not liking the prices is unfortunate, but not my fault. If you received excellent service, and your only disappointment was the bill, you still need to tip a minimum 20%.
• We don’t make the food. I have no control over the speed or quality or ticket reading in the kitchen. I cannot tell you how many times I have put “no onions” on a ticket, only to find that the food came out with onions. It happens, I’m sorry, and I will always attempt to fix it. But no, I can’t go into the kitchen, in the middle of a rush, get in the middle of line cooks, to check to see how much longer your burger will be. I promise you, we are all doing our very best. No one is out to screw you today. Your server does his/her darndest to make sure you have a good experience, but we can only control so much. Be nice please.

5. You are not the only person in the bar/restaurant

• Sorry. I know everyone wants to feel special, but unless you have come in at an exceptionally slow time, you are not the only in the building. That means your server has to serve other tables, your bartender has to make drinks for other people, and the cooks have to make food for other tabs. What this means for you: be realistic. Your server/bartender makes rounds to check on everybody, they are coming for you as fast as they can. If we just checked on you, we might not be around again for several minutes. Chill, bro. Do not yell out at us, do not tug on our arms or clothing when we are talking to other customers, do not antagonistically raise your hand, wave your money around at us, etc. It is rude. And, in all honesty, if you are being that obnoxious, your server might make you wait just a wee bit longer out of spite. We are not your pet or your slave. Have some respect please.

6. You can wait 30 seconds for your ranch

• Or your refill or your check or more napkins or pretty much anything else. This goes along with #5, but I felt it really needed its own category. We have to put in an order for your ranch. That means we have to go to the computer, ring it in, a cook has to pull the ticket, pour your ranch, then set it out, then we have to go around back to grab it. It might take a minute. You know when you order your meal if you are prone to go through five ranches with your wings, just ask for it then, otherwise, you have to wait your turn, like everyone else.

7. No you can’t have my number.

• I’m not sure if this happens to male servers, but it happens to females all. the. time. Flirting and having fun with your server is totally fine. Hitting on them or badgering them to give you their number or go out with you is not. No you can’t have my number, we are not going to be Facebook or Instagram or Twitter friends, we are not going out to drinks, I am not going back to your house, I am not going to hang out with you when I get off. And girls, stop trying to hook your server up with your “really great guy friend” who is apparently too shy or embarrassed to ask me for my number himself. If you honestly think there could be a connection, you can leave your number or a witty note or something on the bill when you leave. If I’m interested, I’ll make the next move. Otherwise, I am your server, respect that relationship.

8. We are not friends. I can’t/won’t “hook you up”

• When you tell me to make you a “strong drink” or to “hook you up” or “make it good,” my instinctual reaction is to short pour your drink. It just is. We are not best friends, and I am not going to hook you up. I don’t know you. I have no reason to make you strong beverage – for free. There is also no shot special that if you buy 4 shots, you get 4 free. Just order what you want, how you like it, and pay for it without the harassment. And, newsflash!, but saying “light ice or no ice” doesn’t mean more alcohol, it means more of whatever your mixer is. Same alcohol content, just more juice/soda/pop/etc. So its not surprising that when you order a vodka cranberry with no ice that you can’t taste the vodka. You got a boatload of cranberry juice. So no, I won’t put more vodka in there for you. The harsh truth is that there are a lot of places that will fire a bartender if they find them overpouring people’s drinks. So, sorry not sorry, I am not going to risk my job so you can have a strong cocktail. If you really want a strong drink, pony up and order a double.

9. Servers and bartenders talk to one another. A lot. About you.

• I don’t know why people don’t know this. If I have a table that is full of a bunch of jerks, I am telling the other servers about it. If I have served you before and know you are a bad-tipper or that you don’t tip at all, I am telling other servers about it when I see you sit in their section. And us service industry people have a strong sense of solidarity. That means if you are rude to your server at a restaurant and leave $2 on your $70 bill, they told everyone else who was working about you. And we remember you. So, your following visits will probably consist of some poor service because someone has to serve you, but they’re not putting in their time and effort for a table full of jerks who aren’t going to tip anyways. On the flip side, we also talk about customers we love. Which is great for you! If you are a always super sweet and leave a big fat tip, everyone knows. You will consistently get good service, and probably some nice perks (like free ranch or strong drinks) because your servers like you. Be that person!

10. Just because you mix drinks at your house parties does not make you a bartender

• Here’s the thing, if you work in the industry, we can tell. Service industry people are usually easy for other service industry people to pick out. When you announce to me that you are a bartender or that you’ve worked in a lot restaurants, I immediately assume you are full of it. Also, I don’t care. I also ignore you when you say you know the bouncer, the bartender, the manager, or the owners. I disregard all these comments because you are probably lying, and if you’re not, I still don’t care. I do my job to the best of my ability, everyday, with every guest. I am not out to screw you over or inclined to change my service style when I hear these words come out of your mouth. So nothing changes when you tell me that you’ve worked in a lot of restaurants or that you know the owner because I am doing my job already. I am not impressed, and I also think you are a liar.

10. We live off of tips. Period. No checks. No hourly pay. Just Tips.

• I know, I know, I know. You already knew this, right? Well here is what you may or may not know/think about: we don’t get a paycheck, because our hourly pay is usually around $2.13 an hour, which isn’t enough to cover the taxes on our tips, so our paycheck actually says, “VOID, THIS IS NOT A CHECK” on it. We also do not have the option for any sort of benefits like health insurance or sick days. So when we are sick and should be at home, we are at work, because we cannot afford to lose that shift. We do not get any sort of vacation time or job security. Our only means of supporting ourselves is tips. The standard tip is 20%. It is no longer 10% or 15% like it was twenty years ago. Also, your verbal compliments or religious tips do not pay my rent, although they are a nice bonus added on to that 20%. In all honesty, I would rather you not tell me that I did a good job and show me how great you thought I was on the tip line of your receipt than have you shower me with praise and leave me a rotten tip. Ideally, you would both compliment me and leave me a big ol’ tip. Also, your religious pamphlets or your reference to a scripture on the tip line is also not a tip. I cannot drop off all those pamphlets and smiley faces at my utilities company so that I can have electricity and heat this month. Tip your 20+% for the lovely service you got, it is how we pay our bills.

11. It is a real job, and it is offensive when you think it’s not.

• Last, but certainly not least, being a server or bartender is a real job. Do not ask me “What’s your real job” or “What do you want to do when your done with this?” or “Yeah, but you can’t do this for very long.” It is very offensive. We work hard. We work long hours. We work thankless jobs. Nonetheless, it is a very real job. It pays my bills, and as a graduating student, it is a great job to have. I don’t have to worry about moving back home with my parents or about how I am going to support myself in this rotten economy. We are an essential part of the American lifestyle, and our job is just as real as anyone else’s. So please, respect and be kind to us service industry people. I promise we are a great bunch!

Okay, lesson over. In summary, just be thoughtful and aware and respectful when you are out for dinner or drinks. It’s all very simple. I promise that your server/bartender will reciprocate if you are good to them 🙂

Cheers to all you service industry peeps out there! Ashley